For Forever
by UndiscoveredWriter94
Summary: Just read it and tell me what you think cuz I can't explain it without giving it away.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, first off, this is my first Law and Order: SVU fic that I've posted. I am currently working on several others that I seemed to have lost interest in or they just seem to be going nowhere. But I do have one or two I will get around to posting when someone will volunteer to be a beta reader for me cuz God knows that I have made several mistakes. Please R&R and be a bit gentle, thanks :) this is set post-Charisma I guess, cuz its set before Olivia and everyone else know that Elliot and Kathy are separated, or it could just be pre-Doubt. And I don't remember or if they even say how long it's been since Kathy left him, so I just kinda made it up.

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She fucked her partner. Her married partner none the less. _Olivia Benson is not a home wrecker_, she thought to herself s sat on the edge of her bed, Elliot snoring on the opposite side. She hung her head low before pulling her naked form off of her bed and headed for the bathroom. She stood under the warm spray of her shower, erasing any evidence of him from her body, until the water ran ice cold. She wrapped her shivering body in a towel before heading back to her bedroom, where she pulled an old t-shirt and a pair of lavender panties out of her dresser. She slipped the clothes on after dropping the towel to the floor, then retrieving the towel off the floor once dressed. She towel dried her hair and then went into the bathroom to run a comb through her hair. Not wanting to be next him when she woke up, she took her pillow off her bed, went to her small hall closet and pulled a blanket out before going to her couch and curled up. The last thing she felt was a small shot of pain between her legs.

And it seemed she'd only just fallen asleep, she was being shaken awake.

"Go away," she mumbled and turned over, burying her face into the back of her couch.

"Liv, you need to get up. We're late for work," Elliot's detached voice says.

"Letmesleep," her words slurred together. He almost snickers, but instead picks her off the couch.

"Whereyatakinme?" her words still garbled together and this time he couldn't resist a small snicker. She felt him gently shake with the snicker.

"Back to your bed," he says depositing her on to said bed.

"Tell Cragen I'm sick," she manages to get out in an ungarbled whisper. She didn't see his nod as she fell asleep.

When she woke up again, it was nearly four pm, and she was assaulted by Elliot's scent on the pillow her head was on. She was also confused for a moment, and then she remembered what had happened that morning. She groaned and reached blindly for her cell phone, with all intents and purposes of ordering Chinese food for dinner, but was quickly shot down when she saw she had 23 missed calls; one from Elliot and twenty-two from her friend Vanessa. Seeing only one voicemail, she assumed was from Elliot, but she pressed down on the number one to call her voicemail. The automated female voice greeted her and asked for her password. After entering said password, she didn't wait for the greeting to commence and simply pressed one-one.

"Hey, Liv, it's me. Uh, when you get this give me a call, okay?" Elliot's recorded voice says. She deleted the message and ended her voicemail session. She pressed speed dial number two and he picked up on the second ring.

"Stabler."

"Hey, you wanted me to call. So what's up?" She asks as she pulls herself out of bed and walks into her living room grabbing the pillow that she had taken the previous night, and then headed back to her room.

"You sitting down?"

"Yeah, why? What's wrong?" She asks as she leans against the pillow she propped up against her headboard.

"Your friend, Vanessa, she was, she was raped, Liv. Then tried to commit suicide."

"That, that's why she was so desperately trying to get a hold of me, isn't? To talk to me?" she asks after a minute of silence.

"Hey, don't blame yourself Olivia," he reprimands her, knowing exactly what she was thinking.

"Am not."

"Liv, I know you better than anyone else. You're blaming yourself."

"Maybe a little," she concedes, deciding this is a battle she'll lose anyway.

"Cap wants to know if you'll be back to work tomorrow or if you need another day?" He asks after a moment of silence.

"Tell him I believe so. El, look, about last night…" she starts, trailing off.

"Later, Liv. We'll talk about it later, okay?" He says quietly.

"Elliot-"

"Later, Olivia," his voice coming out in a growl over the phone.

"Call me later then," she says, waiting for him to agree.

"I can be there in hour. Want Chinese?"

"Yeah, the usual," she sighs in defeat.

"Alright."

"Let yourself in," she says.

"See you then."

"Yeah," she says before hanging up.

An hour later, she heard her front door opening, then Elliot rummaging around in her kitchen.

"Liv?"

"In my room, El," she calls from her place on her bed. She smelled the Chinese food before she saw him.

"Hey, how you feeling?" he asks as he leans against her door frame, one hand had the Chinese food and the other had the utensils.

"Sore, tired, and hungry, so why don't you bring that bag over here before I reach into the table over here and shoot you," she teases from her sitting position across from her TV, which she had muted a long time ago. He smiles and moves towards the bed, he hesitated when he got to the bed, he just looked at it.

"Come on, Elliot, we're adults. Its fine, sit," she says patting the bed beside her. He smiles tightly before he sat down and placed the bag and the utensils on the bed between them.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes abruptly.

"El, please don't apologize, its fine. Really," she says as she opens the bag and starts to fill her plate with lo Mein noodles.

"If you can't walk, I obviously hurt you," he says as she begins to eat after filling more of her plate with general Taos chicken.

"It's not so much that I can't walk, I just find it uncomfortable. And El, you didn't hurt me, its just been a really long time since I've been with anyone," she says after she finishes chewing.

"Olivia, I- Last night cannot happen again. I-I love my wife, I can't lose my job, and-"

"El, I understand. I do. But, but what if this comes back to bite us in the ass? Elliot, we didn't use anything, I mean, I am on the pill but-"

"We'll take it as it comes, Liv, okay?"

"Yeah," she whispers, not entirely trusting her voice.

"You know I'm not doing this to hurt you Olivia," he says after a moment of silence.

"I get it, Elliot. Last night was never supposed to happen."

"No, you don't get it. Last night, I've wanted it for so long Liv. I-I don't know why it happened last night, but I don't regret it, not a minute of it, but-"

"But what, Elliot? I just ruined your marriage for god's sake!" her voice raised on its own volition and it almost scared her.

"I don't wanna fight, Olivia, please."

"I told myself never again, I would never ever fall for a married man again, but Jesus Elliot, do you have any idea what you can do to me? What you do, do to me?"

"Besides in bed?" he tries to joke only to be shot down with her stony glare. "No, I don't, Liv, your right. All I know is I love my wife, but I'm in love with you. I don't know how that can even happen."

"Jesus Christ, Elliot! Did you honestly have to say that?" she hisses as she shifts her body away from him so he can't see the tears that are threatening to fall if she lets go.

"Liv, are you, are you alright?" He asks as he reaches out to touch her shoulder.

"Obviously not," she chokes out.

"I didn't mean to…" he trails off.

"Well you did, so too late," she says, placing her plate on the bedside table and removing her comforter and getting out of bed. She was too upset that the dull shot of pain that ripped through her lower half as she applied pressure, didn't really register in her senses.

"Where are you going?" he asks, watching her pull a pair of running shorts from her dresser. She pulled them on and tossed her baggy shirt elsewhere, finding her sports bra.

"For a run, you stay here, we'll talk when I'm back," she says as she slips on socks and then her already laced running shoes. As soon as she was out of her apartment, she let the tears fall as she took off running down the stairs.

As she made her way down the busy Manhattan streets, her tears chilled her face and they just continued to stream. She pushed people out of her way as she refused to slow or stop, knowing her legs would give out if she did so. Three blocks from her apartment, the ache between her thighs almost became overwhelming. _I must truly be a masochist,_ she thought as she pushed herself to run faster, further away. She collapses, finally, seven blocks later, on a bus stop bench. Her body curves itself on its own and a sob is ripped from deep in her chest, and then she's sobbing uncontrollably on the bench.

"Why do I always run?" she asks herself through a sob. _He probably thinks I don't love him, that that's why I left. He's probably gonna put in for a new partner tomorrow, I can't lose him. No,_ she thought as she sobbed, tears streaming down over her cheeks. She thinks, _surely I would have drowned in tears by now._ She felt a hand strong on her should as someone sat on the bench next to her. She turned to look who it was, seeing his familiar blue eyes, the ones she knew were cold as ice when he had told her that what had happened last night couldn't happen again, were now wet with tears of his own.

"Why'd, why'd ya follow me?" she asks as she leans on his shoulder.

"I couldn't let you leave. I realized when you walked out of your apartment, that I was just being a coward. That I need to tell you everything. And also that you probably wouldn't be able to make it back on your own," he says as a glistening tear of his own escapes and land in her hair.

"Tell me everything then," she says as she curls her hand over his on his thigh, working her fingers in between his.

"Kathy left me, two months ago, took the kids with her. I think she knew. Knew that I love you before I even knew it myself. Watching you walk out of the door of your apartment has been by far, the lowest point in my life. And when Kathy left me, I felt relieved when she walked out, and then when you did the same thing, I did what I should've done with Kathy, I followed you. And-"

"Can you shut up now, Stabler, and let me tell you something?" He nodded. "I love you, El. Have for a long time. I'm not gonna leave you. I'm here for forever," she says as he tightens his hand under hers. When she turned to look at, her lips collided with his.

"I love you too, for forever," he says after they part the kiss and her eyes open.

"I like the sound of that," she laughs, as he reaches up with his free hand and wipes her tears away as she does the same.

"We're two fuck ups aren't we?" he asks after a moment of quiet, the quietest a Manhattan street could be in the evening.

"Just two people who refused to admit they love each other, then they sleep together, one hurts the other, and the other hurts the one who hurt them, and then they finally admit they love each other," she says flattening one of her hands to cup his cheek. She smiles as he leans forward and gently captures her lips with his.

"Let's get you home, huh," he says as they pull away. She nods, being pulled up by the hand she's still holding. And, as they walked down a Manhattan street, they weren't hardass SVU detectives Benson and Stabler. They were Elliot and Olivia, and to the outside world, they were just two people in love with each other.  
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Tell me whatcha think and maybe I'll chose to post some of my other stuff. And help me think of a title :)


	2. Chapter 2

Yay! I thought up some ideas and this one seemed to work the best for where I want the story to go. I did my best with researching the topic and hopefully everything turns out alright. I know I promised to take this story somewhere quite some time ago but I had family in town for a wedding, and it was just a lot of preparation leading up to them arriving, and then it we were constantly doing something and they left yesterday morning so I figured I would finally update. So without further ado, chapter two of For Forever, hope you enjoy!  
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6 months later…

_Possible thyroid cancer._

She didn't expect that to come out of her doctors' mouth nearly an hour ago. It was just her yearly, job mandated physical. She was surprised when the doctor told her there was a lump in her neck, in her thyroid gland. Her doctor, Dr. Maria Klein, had told her that she wanted to do a fine needle aspiration biopsy and draw some blood to check for thyroid cancer. _Cancer._ In two days, she would know for sure.

"Hey Capt," she greets into her cell phone as she leaves her doctors hour, an hour later then she expected.

_"What's up, Olivia?"_

"I need to take a couple days off, it's a personal matter," she says as she opens her car door and gets in, locking the door behind her. A sign in the corner shop across the street caught her eye and she quickly had to look away.

_"How many?"_

"A week, Don, please. It's important."

_"You've got vacation time saved up. It's fine. I'll get the paperwork started."_

"Thanks, Capt."

_"It's fine. Goodbye."_

"Bye," she whispers. The second she threw the phone on to the passenger seat, it rang.

"Benson."

_"We still on for dinner?" _

"Unless you're calling to cancel on me," she sighs.

_"Not at all. How'd your appointment go?"_

"Not so good. We'll talk about it later okay?"

_"Okay. I'll be at your door at seven o'clock sharp."_ She glanced down at her watch, nearly five o'clock.

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too." Then the line went dead. When she got back to her apartment, she sat outside for five minutes staring longingly at the bodega across the street. Finally giving in, she walked into the bodega, placing a lighter on the counter.

"And a pack of Marlboro Lights," she says.

"Ten dollars," the cashier says as she hands him a ten and grabs her purchases and stuffs them in the pocket of her coat.

At 6:55, she stood on her balcony, holding the cigarette between her lips, lifting the lighter to light her cigarette. She sighed in relief as she pulled the cigarette away releasing a puff of smoke from her lips.

"LIV!" she heard Elliot yell as he walks in the door. She quickly dropped her cigarette, stomping it out with the toe of her high heeled shoe.

"Hey," she greets as she turns toward him.

"What were you doing?" he asks.

"Nothing." He raises his eyebrows. "Fine. I was smoking. Don't give me that look, I haven't smoked in eight years. Nessa got me started," she admits.

"Why?"

"I had a really bad day, Elliot. Let's just go," she says, picking her clutch off the table by her now closed balcony doors.

"Wanna tell me about it?" he asks as he grabs her hand as they walk out of her apartment.

"After dinner, babe," she says, quickly kissing him.

Dinner went on without a hitch, and as they walked down her street, Elliot finally asked the question she had been dreading the entire walk home.

"Ready to tell me why your day was so bad?"

"They found a lump in my thyroid today," she murmurs as he opens the door to her apartment building with the key she had given him years ago.

"And?" he asks as he wraps his arm around her waist.

"They did a needle biopsy, should have the results within 48 hours," she says as they climb the stairs to her third story apartment.

"And that's why you needed a cigarette?"

"I was nervous and jumpy, and I just needed a smoke, El."

"Did they talk options with you?" He asks as she slips her key into her lock, having reached the door before him.

"They said the oncologist would if the pathologist finds cancer," she says as she pulls him inside.

"Are you okay?"

"Just stop," she kisses him lightly, "talking and," she kisses him again, "make love to me."

"Maybe we shouldn't tonight, Liv," he says as she pushes his coat from his shoulders.

"Please, El. Please, I need this," she says, starting to lightly sob against his lips, as she pulls his tie out of its knot.  
"Livia, listen to me," he says, stilling her hands. "Baby, whatever happens, we'll get through this together, all right?" he says, coaxing her to look at him.

"El, please, just make love to me, please," she whimpers, holding on to him tightly.

"Baby, love you," he whispers in her ear.

"Love you too," she sobs as she leans up to kiss him.

"Okay," he says more to himself as he walks her backwards to her bedroom, working on the zipper to her black strapless dress.

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So, whatcha think? Hit the button and review, you know you want to. I am still looking for a beta if there are any takers.


	3. Chapter 3

So, schools back in session, yay. Between my three AP courses homework and drivers ed, I have lost anything that resembles a life outside of school, I have been unable to update, so please forgive me. I am currently on chapter 6 or 7 of For Forever and have horrible writers block. So after this update, you probably won't get one for a while, partly because I might be dead after my next AP World History test, eeck! I am so nervous. But without further ado, Chapter 3, and as a side note, a lot of people are gonna hate me…

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2 days later…

"Olivia! Phones for you!" Elliot calls from her kitchen as Olivia lay in bed, sinking into a deep depression.

"Bring it here?" She calls back weakly as he appears in her doorway, her cordless home phone in his hand. She sits up and grabs the phone out of his hand before pointing for him to leave.

"Hello?" She says as she sits against the headboard of her bed.

"Olivia? Its Dr. Klein, I just got your results back…"  
"And?"  
A minute of silence passed on the other side of the line.

"You have papillary thyroid cancer."

"Is that a good thing?" she asks as she chokes up and tears up a little.  
"Cancer is never a good thing, but this cancer is one of the rarest but also the most curable cancer. I know a very good oncologist at Mt. Sinai, her name is Dr. Lester. She'll be the one who takes care of you from here on out. I just wanna prepare you for some of the things she might do just to make sure the tumor really is a tumor. Okay?"

"Ya."

"She'll most likely do an ultrasound of your thyroid, an MRI and CT, and a blood test. She might also do a radioactive iodine test, but if the others all tell you have the cancer she probably won't wind up doing that particular test."

"Thanks, Dr. Klein. Um, I'll call Mt. Sinai within the next day or two and make an appointment as soon as possible."

"Alright, I'll fax over your referral within the hour. And good luck to you, Olivia."  
"Thanks," she mumbles into the receiver before she hangs up the phone and lets the tears finally fall.

"Liv, hey, what's wrong?" Elliot asks as he enters her room, and sits next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, drawing her to him before wrapping his other arm around her.

"Papillary thyroid cancer," she cries as she grips his t-shirt in her hand.

" Hey, hey, now listen to me. We're gonna get through this, baby," He tries to comfort her as he runs his fingers through her hair.

"I don't wanna go through this, El. I don't think I can handle it."

"Listen, we're gonna make it. You're gonna make it."

"I, um, I, um, gotta call Mt. Sinai, I'll come out for dinner in a second okay?"

"Of course, you want me to go?"  
"If you don't mind?" she sniffles as she wipes her tears off her face.

"Of course not," he says getting up, kissing her on the head.

"Love you," he says before he goes to exit her room.

"I love you too," she says as he leaves.

Elliot didn't believe this was happening to Olivia, he knew she was thinking that cancer was her punishment, her punishment for not saving her best friend from being raped, from being her mothers child of rape. He sat on her couch as he waited for her to return from her phone call to Mt. Sinai's oncology department, the best in New York.

"Hey," she says as she sits next to him.

"Hey," he smiles as she slips her hand into his.

"I'm scared," she whispers.

"I know. So am I."

"Promise you'll never ever leave me, especially now." Tears glistened in her eyes as she stares at him.

"I'll never leave you, ever," he vows as she moves closer, wrapping herself around him.

"El, I wanna go alone tomorrow."

"That's just fine."

"El, I love you," she says as she draws away.

"Love you too," he says trying to pull her back to him.

"But I'm hungry, so why don't you feed me?"

They both laughed.

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So I am sorry, but I promise, this won't end horribly, at least as of now. So please press that little button and review!


	4. Authors Note Don't hate me!

Hey Guys,

So I know you're all thinking this is an update, but sadly its not, its just another authors note. But, this time its good news. At least for me it is. Slowly but surely over the past couple weeks, I have gotten back on my feet. I even found someone that has helped ease the pain of my broken heart, making it that much easier to live with it every day. I've been trying to write every night this past week or so, and I realized that this story, could go two ways. The way I originally had it, and then it could go the way I've been thinking about it. I promise to you that I won't make Olivia die, but (and I know there's always a but) I can't promise for there not to be trials and tribulations. So, before I update again, I think I'm going to go back and rework some stuff in the past couple chapters (over the next couple days, hopefully) and then write the new chapters. I want to thank everyone who's reviewed my story, and its been a real motivator for me to get my ass out of bed and try and write everyday. So thank you.

xoxo,

UndiscoveredWriter94


	5. Chapter 4

Okay, so long time no update right? So, I'd like to thank hidden magic (Kenna or Molly) for being my beta. I've got up to chapter 6 beta'd but I'm in the process of rewriting part of chapter 6, so it's going to be a bit before that gets out but I figured I'd get this out here and tie you guys over. And in addition to having so much going on in my school life, a tree fell on my house last night, and thankfully, no damage.

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Chapter 4

Next Day

2 PM

Mt. Sinai Hospital

Olivia flipped through an outdated magazine, sitting in the hard plastic chair in the oncology waiting room. She sighed heavily.

"Olivia Benson?" A nurse asks from the door. Olivia looked up and put the magazine back on the table, gathering her purse and jacket. The nurse smiled a comforting smile as she let Olivia in ahead of her.

"Last room on the left, honey," the kind faced nurse said as Olivia started walking down the hall. Olivia let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding when she walked into the sterile exam room, nervousness taking over.

"Relax, you're in good hands. What's your diagnosis?" The nurse asked as Olivia sat on the exam table.

"Papillary thyroid cancer."

"Well, here's the good news, it's the most treatable cancer you can get," the nurse, whose name tag read _Jennifer Good, RN._ Olivia managed a small smile in reply.

"When did your symptoms first start?" Nurse Good went on to ask.

"Never, my doctor found the lump at my yearly physical," Olivia says, nervously playing with the frayed hem of her shirt, pulling at a loose string.

"Alright, I'll go find Dr. Lester and send her on in. Good luck," Nurse Good says with a small, comforting smile on her face as she stands up.

For five long minutes, Olivia sat in silence, taking in the exam room. A knock on the door startled her, making her jump slightly in response.

"Hi, Olivia, I'm Dr. Lester," a dark haired, green eyed woman said as she opened the door.

"Hi," Olivia said, a nervous smile breaking through.

"How are you feeling?"

"Nervous, scared, all of the above."

"It's perfectly natural to be feeling all of that," Dr. Lester said, as she put a comforting hand on Olivia's knee.

"Can we just do this?"

"Of course. So what I'm going to do is an ultrasound of your thyroid to see how big the tumor is, and whether or not it is solid, alright?" Olivia nodded as Dr. Lester reached for the probe on the ultrasound machine.

"This maybe a little cold," Dr. Lester said before a small glob of gel fell on Olivia's neck. For five minutes, Olivia lay still as Dr. Lester rolled the probe on her neck.

"Okay, your tumor is a solid, cystic mass and it is about a centimeter long, so your cancer is in the early stages of stage one papillary thyroid cancer. But, I would like to do some blood work, just to make sure the pathologist or I didn't miss anything. I'd say you have an awesome outlook on beating this cancer," Dr. Lester said as she gently wiped the gel off of Olivia's neck with a paper towel.

"So what happens now?" Olivia asked, the news taking some of the nervousness away.

"Well, do you want to talk options now or later?" Dr. Lester asks.

"Can we go more in depth later? I would like it if my boyfriend could be here," Olivia said, getting butterflies in her stomach as she referred to Elliot as her boyfriend.

"Okay, your best bet is surgery, but that won't be scheduled for another week or two. Right now, I want you on a low iodine diet, so no iodized salt products. We're gonna draw some blood, and for the next six months, you will be seeing me. Then after all the treatments are done, you'll be seeing an endocrinologist for check ups. Sound okay?" Dr. Lester said, a small smile on her face.

"Yeah, sounds fine."

"Alright, I'll go get a nurse and have her draw some blood and then make an appointment on your way out. It was nice meeting you Olivia," Dr. Lester said, shaking Olivia's hand as she stood up, and then proceeded to leave the room.

Twenty minutes later, Olivia's blood test was done and she had made an appointment three days later. With said appointment scheduled, Olivia was out of the building and on her way to the precinct.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Elliot asked as she walked into the squad room sometime later.

"Cribs, now," she snapped, even though she really wasn't angry. She walked calmly up the stairs, knowing he was following her.

"What's wrong?" He asked. She knew he was assuming the worst, so she put on a smile.

"Great prognosis. We have an appointment on Monday to talk options with my doctor. I want you there," she said before he took her by surprise (not so surprising, actually) into his arms, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I'm glad you're gonna be fine," he murmured with his lips against her skin, his arms wrapped comfortable around her body.


	6. Chapter 5

Once again thanks to hidden magic for being my beta. Everyone, feel free to poke me non-stop so I get chapter 6 done faster.

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Chapter 5

They didn't catch that weekend.

So when Monday came, Olivia dragged herself out of bed, and she realized that in an hour, her and Elliot would be planning her future, with Dr. Lester.

At 10 A.M., they sat in Dr. Lester's office, Olivia's hand clutching Elliot's. Dr. Lester opened her door, Olivia's file in her hand.

"Hi Olivia and…" Dr. Lester trailed off waiting for one of them to introduce her to Elliot.

"Elliot Stabler," he said, extending his hand, which the doctor shook.

"Nice to meet you. Shall we get started?" Dr. Lester asked as she sat down in her chair. They both nodded.

"How do you feel about surgery, Olivia?"

"If it means I'll survive, I'll do it." Her grip on Elliot's hand tightened ever so slightly, nervousness barely showing through her tough shell. "What are my chances anyway?

"Overall, I'd say you have a very nice chance of a full recovery, and eventually being cancer free. Thyroid Cancer has a 96% survival rate, which is extremely high. You're only in the first stage, which is good, and you're consenting to surgery, so you really don't have anything to worry about. Even though I know the surgeon is going to recommend that we do a lobectomy, I'm going to push for a full thyroidectomy. It's the most efficient way for the treatment to work."  
"How long will I need to be out of work?" Olivia asked, trying not to think too much about surgery. Elliot rolled his eyes. He knew she'd be itching to get back to work within three days of her operation. He also knew he'd be in charge of keeping her from doing anything.

"You work where?"  
"I'm a detective at Manhattan SVU."

"I recommend after the surgery to take eight weeks."

"Eight?" Olivia's eyes were wide and her jaw dropped. The seriousness of the procedure was setting in.

Six of them to recover and then two just to get used to the treatment."

"What is the treatment we'll be using?" Olivia asked.

"We'll be using what is called I-131 treatment, or radioactive iodine treatment. Also, about work, you'll need to stay out of contact with anyone for three days. Do you two live together?" Dr. Lester looked between the two of them,

"Pretty much," they both answered.

"Elliot, do you have somewhere you can stay three days a week?"  
"Yeah, I do," he said nodding, not wanting to have to leave Olivia, especially when she would be needing him. The doctor nodded, and started explaining the treatment.

"So, I-131 treatment is one pill you take once a week, it's administered at the hospital as an outpatient. The treatment is six months long. After you've been on the treatment for two weeks, I'm going to start you on a TSH suppression therapy, which will get rid of any of the remaining cancer cells, and also a thyroid hormone medicine. You're going to have to take these two medicines every day for the rest of your life unless the endocrinologist tells you that you can stop the TSH suppression therapy."

"What happens after the treatment is finished?" Elliot asked before Olivia had the chance to.

"She goes to the endocrinologist every six months for the next three years and then once a year for the rest of her life. The endocrinologist will do blood tests and check for any tumors to make sure the cancer hasn't returned."

"Side effects?" Olivia asked, in her detective tone.

"With the I-131, you'll probably have vomiting and nausea the first treatment, then dry mouth for the rest. Just chew some sugar free gum or suck on some sugar free hard candy. The hormone treatment can cause a rash or small hair loss, but nothing significant. And, depending on if we get the dosing right for the hormone treatment, you can get either hypo- or hyperthyroidism. You will have hypothyroidism after you're surgery, so be prepared. Anything else?"

"What happens if the cancer doesn't respond with the I-131?" Olivia asked nervously, preparing herself to hear something she doesn't want.

"I've never seen it with papillary thyroid cancer. The only time I've ever seen that was with a patient who had Medullary cancer, and that's an extremely rare cancer."

"What about sex?" Elliot asked, as Olivia took on a red tone and hissed "El!"

"What Liv, it's a serious question." He smiled then looked at Dr. Lester, waiting for an answer.

"I wouldn't recommend it at all during the treatment, but after the last I-131 treatment, condoms are a must. Pregnancy needs to be avoided for one whole year after the last treatment." She smiled politely, amused at the abrupt comment from her patient's boyfriend.

"Can we just schedule the damn surgery?" Olivia snapped, once again realizing, she wasn't even angry or annoyed.

"You need a consult first, Olivia," Dr. Lester reminded her.

"Can't you find a surgeon to do the consult now?"  
"I'll see what I can do," Dr. Lester said as she got up and left the room.

"Are you okay?" Elliot asked after a few minutes of silence. She'd barely looked at him the entire appointment.

"I'm not sure what I am El," She said, laying her head on his shoulder. It reminded him of how his girls acted, when all they wanted was comfort, and they didn't want to ask for it, so he pulled his hand from hers and wrapped his arm around her, kissing her head.

"I love you," he whispers in her hair.

"Love you too," she murmurs back, trying to hide the quiver in her voice.

An hour later, and a surgery appointment two weeks out, they were once again headed to the precinct.

"Hey Capt, can we talk to you?" Olivia asked as she knocked on his office door.

"I told you guys, blind eye. Please." He didn't even look up from the paperwork he was currently working on.

"It's not about us," Olivia almost whispered.

"Come in," he said, sitting up from his paperwork. "What's going on?"

They stood there in silence for a few beats before Olivia shifted nervously, and began to speak.

"I have early stage one papillary thyroid cancer," she said quickly, and let out a short breath. She stared at her feet, unable to focus on anything other than breathing, as her heart rate quickened.

Cragen bulked, his mouth slightly open like he had something to say, but just couldn't. So for a couple minutes, silence again consumed his office.

"What does this mean?"

"It m….I…" Olivia stuttered, then sighed silently, her heart racing in her chest. Elliot took her hand as a silent tear managed to escape, despite her efforts to show no fear.

"Surgery to remove the thyroid and then six weeks later, radioactive iodine treatment for six months," Elliot said softly to Cragen, not wanting to force Olivia to have to talk about it so soon.

"And after that?" Don was hoping to hear that Olivia would be all better, and this would all just disappear.

"Don, I really need time off. I know it's very inconvenient as it is, but we already scheduled my surgery two weeks from Friday. Then I need 8 weeks off after that. And 3 days a week for five and a half months. I know it's a lot -"

"Olivia, its paid medical leave, you cannot help getting cancer, alright? It'll be fine. I'll take care of the paperwork and everything. I suppose you need some time too?" Cragen said turning towards Elliot.

"Just the day of the surgery and the six weeks after, but I can work part time during those six weeks. I can't be with her three days a week after that," Elliot's voice cracked. Olivia wasn't sure if it was just because his voice was hoarse or if he was getting choked up, but she really hoped that his voice was hoarse, because she wasn't sure what she'd do if he cried.

"Alright, take her home, I'll get started on this paperwork," Don says as he points to the door.

"Thank you so much, Don," Olivia said as a goodbye.

"Just concentrate on getting better, Olivia."


	7. Authors Note Numero Dos Its a Biggie

Hi guys,

So it's been over two years since I have updated this story. In the past couple of weeks, I have been thinking a lot about what I am going to do with this story, try to find some inspiration or abandon the story. I'm sad to say that I just can't continue with this story. I don't think I will ever be able to. I will keep it on the site for as long as I have this profile. I just won't be updating it. Furthermore, I would like to say that I am still writing. If you look at my profile, you can read more about this. Maybe one day I will get back to this story, but as of right now, that looks pretty non-existent.


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